I am so ready to love one person for the rest of my life it actually hurts. In the next 8 months I will be turning 23, graduating from college, getting a real job, possibly making a huge move to a new city. It’s going to be crazy. I am going through a lot of changes in my thinking and planning. While I am so excited and a little scared for these things to happen, all I can think about is who is going to be by my side and experience all of this with me? As I even type that last sentence, I realize that I won’t really have time for anyone else but me during this time, but still that’s what I’m consumed with. Our generation has been told that we have to do things a certain way. There is a lot of pressure to go to college, to graduate and get a job immediately, to have children, to make lots of money, etc. and we should be doing all of this right out of college. Well, that’s not my desire at all. I want to get married so bad and have a job, but I have no desire to settle down. My perfect and dream life would be to find my husband, find a job and spend any free time traveling the world. I want to explore, I want to have fun. I hear most girls my age who can’t wait to be a mom talking about their families constantly and I’m just like “no thank you”. I cannot imagine myself having kids anytime soon, if ever. Maybe that’s selfish but I want to be able to do whatever and go wherever I want, when I want. It’s funny how over the last couple of years I have finally come into my own person and I have never been happier. I have no plan for my future like most people my age, but I know who I am and where I stand on most issues, I am financially independent and I have faith in my God like no other. While I may not know where I’m going, I’m confident that I will make it through anything thrown at me. I am so thankful that I have a church in Gainesville that is so faithful to The Lord. I woke up yesterday morning dreading going to church because I just haven’t cared much lately about anything other than my sadness, but as usual, God showed up so hardcore. Over the past month and a half I have been so down and out. I would venture to say that I have never been so distraught and confused in my entire life. Everything I have ever expected for myself came crashing down (insert “wrecking ball” by Miley Cyrus), yes I just said that. But it has been awful and I have been way to busy to even deal with it. I haven’t had an adequate amount of time to cope with how I’ve been feeling. I have been feeling like I need a solid week to myself and I’ll be fine. While I still think I need that, I have so much peace about my life right now. God has such a huge plan for me and I now know that while I think I’m ready for something, I have to be patient and wait for God’s timing. He is going to perfect me and mold me into who I’m supposed to be. While all the pressure of society and my flesh is sometimes overwhelming, I have to remember that those things don’t matter. I have a creator who has a crazy, scary, risky, perfect plan for my life and I can’t wait to go along for the ride. Btw this had absolutely no point but I needed to write down how I felt today without stopping, so here’s the result.